My Only Regret
by Serene Iris
Summary: Teng Tang Jing Shizuka reflects on her true feelings for Hua Ze Lei Rui. One shot.


Before you start reading, I'd liked to clarify this:

**Teng Tang Jing - Toudou Shizuka Dao Ming Zhuang - Doumyouji Tsubaki**

**Hua Ze Lei - Hanazawa Rui Dao Ming Si - Doumyouji Tsukasa**

**Dong Shan Cai - Makino Tsukushi**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Meteor Garden/Hana Yori Dango, but I do own this story._

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He was a boy, a young timid boy who needed attention, yet it wasn't given to him. I met him by chance during one of my frequent visits to see my friend, Dao Ming Zhuang. I was coming over to visit her and discuss random things that normal high-class 12 year olds discussed. I found her in the Dao Ming gardens scolding her little brother and his troop of friends about a prank they pulled.

When I first set foot into the gardens, it was bliss. Everywhere I turned there were flowers glowing back at me. The scent filled my nostrils to heavenly delight. Deciding to let Zhuang continue her tirade on her brother and his friends, I went to explore and indulge myself a bit in this personal haven before finding her. I found myself following a path that led to a fountain surrounded by roses of all sorts. My musings were interrupted when a loud sob emitted from behind a tree. I curiously turned towards the direction it came from to find a little boy. To say that he looked a little cute and adorable wouldn't be what you would describe him as. My Lei. Ever the handsome little fellow even when he was young. You could see that he would one day turn out to be a lady killer. I found my breath caught in my throat. The aura that surrounded him drew me to his frail figure. What I couldn't register was why he was crying while in a place that held elegance and beauty. I confidently approached him,

"Hello! My name's Jing! What's yours?"

He looked almost astonished that someone was talking to him before he overcame it and spoke, "My name is Hua Ze Lei." Then he became lost in his thoughts again as if afraid I would shun him because of his name or voice. My brows knit together, I was befuddled. Why was he so withdrawn from me, I had thought to myself.

"Why were you crying? It's a sunny day and along with this breath-taking scenery, one shouldn't be crying." I said cheerfully, smiling brightly down at him.

"Ah-Si ripped my bear because I wouldn't let him play with it," was his mumbled reply.

"Don't worry, everything will be okay. I'll buy you a new bear," I said giving him a huge grin.

From that day on, the two of us formed a little bond that was different from just plain friendship. Little by little, I saw him come out from his shell. He no longer cries as he did when I first met him. Throughout the following years, we grew closer to one another. He was my favorite out of F4 and everyone knew it. We shared secrets and jokes just between the two of us. F3 often teased us and everyone saw us as a match made in heaven albeit I didn't have such feelings for him. At least, I didn't realize that I did until it was too late and he was gone from my grasp.

As we grew older, I started to take my studies more seriously and focused on my modeling career. This forced me to leave him behind and coming back to visit for a short while. I fondly referred to him as my Lei but I knew that he wouldn't always be the little boy that had clung to me for protection and comfort like he once did when we were younger. I watched him gradually grow from a timid little boy to a quiet teen and then into a stoic man. That image I'd drawn of him in my mind as my Lei slowly disappeared that last year of his stay in Ying De. I had come back from Paris after modeling for a few companies as well as finishing up my law degree. I came back to see that the young man I left behind whom I'd claim as mine was no longer mine.

Even though, he couldn't notice the change, I did. He was smitten with a girl whom I've grown to respect and admire for standing up to F4's petty tricks. Only he was too blind to acknowledge his feelings thinking that he only had space for one woman in his heart, me.

I almost wished I still occupied his heart, but I'd be deceiving him and myself. I could also see Ah-Si, the boy who had once said that all women on this earth were leaches trying to get his money, had too fallen for this girl I later hated and admired. Dong Shan Cai. She wasn't like the rest of the girls at Ying De who were all very materialistic she was different from all of them. Perhaps, that was why my Lei and Ah-Si both fell for her added with the fact that she had a golden heart and gentle personality fueled by her courage along with a temper to rival Dao Ming Si's. I grew to like the girl very much only to hate her more for stealing my Lei.

What touched me more and made me realize why Lei adored her so was because she was selfless. She begged me to stay for the sake of him upon learning that I was returning to France not caring about what others thought of her, she pleaded with me to stay. I knew then that I couldn't stay because I was no match for her and even if I did stay to fight for his affections it was no use because once you fall, it's very hard to get back up. Therefore, I chose not to fall fearing the hurt that I didn't want to endure. I berated myself for not having the courage to fight for him but who was a fool enough to fight for something knowing that you would lose in the end?

I expected that to be the last I ever saw of him, but he surprised me by following me to Paris. I was shocked to find him waiting outside my flat one afternoon. We spent all our spare time together, I hoped that maybe he did still care for me and that what I had thought before was a mistake. I wrapped myself in a dream though. His heart wasn't in anything we did together anymore. Every action from him seemed very mechanical. I got up the nerve to finally ask him why he had come after me. His answer didn't surprise me one bit but that's when I truly realized that I had lost him.

"Shan Cai encouraged my to go seek my happiness. So here I am," he had said.

The thought of him coming on his own will had been too good to be true. She had to encourage him to go after me thinking that he would find his happiness with me. Before he had met her, possibly, but now his heart wasn't mine to keep but hers, so I started to load my schedule to the brim never having time to tend to him. He eventually left and I was glad of it. He wouldn't be there when I broke down and became the weak Jing I had been for so long. It's been years now and I'm glad to know that he's happy. The invitation to his wedding came in the mail yesterday. The name of the one he was to wed didn't come as a shock to me. It was her, Dong Shan Cai, the only wielder of two F4 hearts and the fortunate one to change all those who gravitated towards her. To this day, my only regret was that I didn't fight for him, my Hua Ze Lei. The boy, the man I had fallen in love with at the age of 12. I regret not letting him know my true feelings. Perhaps the only thing I don't regret is falling, falling in love with him. I've finally gathered the courage to let him go.

Good-bye, my love.

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F4 along with Shan Cai were shocked to learn of Teng Tang Jing's death. Her funeral was a grand affair. Thousands of people from all corners of the earth flew in to see their beloved friend one final time. Lei could hardly believe it. She was truly gone and he never got to really say goodbye. He silently prayed that she would by happy in the afterlife. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he turned to his fiancé, his face reflecting the pain and grief that he felt inside because of losing his first love. Shan Cai pulled him into her embrace dispelling all his worries away.

"She's in a better place now, Lei."

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Thanks for reading! I'm sorry if there were any grammar or spelling errors. I do hope that you enjoyed reading this one-shot.


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